Full head..... painful body!
Apologies in advance for the strange title - I couldn't think of anything else that would fit the bill for how I am feeling........ I just had the strangest thought pop into my head whilst in the ladies (apols again if too much detail!) anyway it went like this: "I honestly can't remember the last time I felt relaxed...... my head is full to bursting with all sorts of 'stuff' and my body feels like its been ten rounds with Mike Tyson!!! I then thought back to when I was going out with Dick (now husband), before we were married or had children, etc., etc., mortgage, bills, elderly parents, ill parents....... and we just enjoyed going out together, having fun, relaxing, getting to know each other...... we even had proper conversations, held hands, went on long walks, enjoyed long lunches in pretty pubs.......... dreamed of what our future would hold.......
Things are ok - but I realise now that one of my biggest problems is that I can't relax anymore, either in body or mind........ spiritually I recognise there should be no relaxation and I wonder if this is part of the problem - I'm trying to 'deal' with so much stuff, trying in my own inept way to 'sort' stuff out, that basically my body and my mind has had enough. I don't think I've ever been in so much consistent pain in my upper back, neck, shoulders and also a tightness in my chest which I recognise is stress - thing is, I'm not actually worried about anything in particular - not that I can identify at the moment anyway. I think that my body is reacting to my mind and has been reacting so much for such a concentrated amount of time that this is the result - a full head and a painful body.
I do unwind a bit on holiday........ but it takes a few days to do so. We've had some long weekends to enjoy but they've not really been relaxing - also they are too short. Its nearly 9 months since we had our 2 week holiday.... thats far too long. I've had time off work - over Christmas etc., but again, its enjoyable but I don't relax. These days when I do have some spare time I try and sleep..... or I just can't keep awake. Ok, its probably something to do with my age - and I know I am busy (too busy perhaps) and more involved with other things........ but I am feeling a bit desperate - we have Venice to look forward to (Dick and I as an early 25th wedding anniversary thingy) in June but thats only 3 nights - will be lovely but not relaxing. Dick and I never have any time to just be together.......... Our relationship I believe suffers from that - he might not think so of course! Sometimes I do hanker after those carefree days in the late 70's/early 80's - life seemed less complicated - maybe in some ways less fulfilled, certainly spiritually I am in a better place, thank God - but I wouldn't mind having less complication, less demands, less stress, less busyness, less duty (family-wise), less feeling that I have to strive for everything - when I know I don't have to. This is a moan I know - just needed to get it out - I am fed up of always looking forward to Friday evening and a sleep with no alarm to wake me - HOW SAD IS THAT! Something has to change................... but what?
Things are ok - but I realise now that one of my biggest problems is that I can't relax anymore, either in body or mind........ spiritually I recognise there should be no relaxation and I wonder if this is part of the problem - I'm trying to 'deal' with so much stuff, trying in my own inept way to 'sort' stuff out, that basically my body and my mind has had enough. I don't think I've ever been in so much consistent pain in my upper back, neck, shoulders and also a tightness in my chest which I recognise is stress - thing is, I'm not actually worried about anything in particular - not that I can identify at the moment anyway. I think that my body is reacting to my mind and has been reacting so much for such a concentrated amount of time that this is the result - a full head and a painful body.
I do unwind a bit on holiday........ but it takes a few days to do so. We've had some long weekends to enjoy but they've not really been relaxing - also they are too short. Its nearly 9 months since we had our 2 week holiday.... thats far too long. I've had time off work - over Christmas etc., but again, its enjoyable but I don't relax. These days when I do have some spare time I try and sleep..... or I just can't keep awake. Ok, its probably something to do with my age - and I know I am busy (too busy perhaps) and more involved with other things........ but I am feeling a bit desperate - we have Venice to look forward to (Dick and I as an early 25th wedding anniversary thingy) in June but thats only 3 nights - will be lovely but not relaxing. Dick and I never have any time to just be together.......... Our relationship I believe suffers from that - he might not think so of course! Sometimes I do hanker after those carefree days in the late 70's/early 80's - life seemed less complicated - maybe in some ways less fulfilled, certainly spiritually I am in a better place, thank God - but I wouldn't mind having less complication, less demands, less stress, less busyness, less duty (family-wise), less feeling that I have to strive for everything - when I know I don't have to. This is a moan I know - just needed to get it out - I am fed up of always looking forward to Friday evening and a sleep with no alarm to wake me - HOW SAD IS THAT! Something has to change................... but what?
posted by Ann at 2:07 pm
5 Comments:
PS - we did used to go to some pubs that were pretty.... I know it seems a contradiction in terms but they were!
Hi Ann,
Thanks for adding this link to your facebook. Been meaning to read your blog over the past few days, but I thought I'd be ages finding it again.
Time as a couple's a hard thing to cultivate, justify at times...each stage in life brings its own challenges I guess.
Andrew and I spend a lot of time together most days (except today when I've not seen him for 12 hours), but that can mean that we don't make the effort to spend 'proper' time together.
But then, at least our children go to bed nice and early!
Keep blogging, and I'll try and keep reading and commenting! x
Oh, but we do 'sometimes' end up with one of your children instead!!
Thanks for your comments Tracy..... and thanks for all those hours you and Andrew have given to Lucy.... together with much coke and cheesy pasta!!! Her withdrawal symptoms are going to be hard to manage....
God bless
Hi Ann. Found your blog via Andrew Clark. I too am experiencing the Full Head and Painful body. I want to slow down a bit, but feel guilty. How do we decide what to do? I guess it really is about putting God first -- but I haven't time!?
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