Its nearly Friday.....

Well we had a lovely time in Cornwall for my Nephew's wedding last weekend - everything went really well and the location and weather couldn't have been more perfect....... It was a CofE service and included the wedding candle and blessing of the rings - which I'd not experienced before - we had a good sing though and the message was strong and encouraging. It was lovely for us as a family to all be together (together with Lucy & Sian's other-halves!) and to be able to celebrate something so special together.
I didn't really want to come home though.... could have stayed another couple of days or perhaps more! I am still struggling with feeling the need to escape the mundane routine of life - I don't know why I feel like this so often these days.... its like a Monday-morning feeling continuing on and off through the week I suppose. When you are away from everything, even just for a night - especially somewhere that is beautiful and where the weather is glorious, its easier to switch off.... and forget about what has to be done.... and so much always has to be done. But I know that life isn't about escape and I do believe that God is working in and through all these feelings. I believe He is leading me through this time of disenchantment/disengagement and I am just doing my best to hold onto His hand. Before we left for our hols in Tuscany (8 weeks ago!!) my CO emailed me with some scripture that he felt was from God for me - it was Psalm 27, one that he said he wasn't too familiar with. Anyway, it has rung so true over these weeks and I have felt under siege at times, I have felt that evil has been advancing against me, certainly I've been under attack. The Psalm speaks of the fact that God will keep me safe in the day of trouble and it speaks of "seeking His face" - something I fail to do so often. It ends with a note of confidence - saying "I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" - I find that really encouraging because I do believe that there is so much good and lovely things in life (I know there is a too much of the opposite) and it says to me that I must remember there are the blessings of God all around me, every day and that I must be thankful and continue to bless Him as He blesses me. But the key verse for me has been the final one "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" and my goodness, how much I've needed to have that verse pop into my head over these weeks. Turmoil within my fellowship/leadership team, problems continuing with certain individuals in the fellowship (things that have been ongoing for seemingly ever.... well certainly since I've been there - 29 yrs!!!) Apart from my own struggles - a big part of the reason for my feeling of needing an escape.
One thing I have found helpful this week is that I have had time to pray focused - with my colleague on hols and having some space, privacy and time first thing when I come in - it has really helped..... I have such a long way to go on this journey - this little one right now at this time in my life, and the bigger one that leads all the way to my seeing my Lord face to face - awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must learn to "Wait" for Him............

Long time no blog.......

My title says it all...... maybe I should leave it at that?? Sorry, I'm not! Since the last entry I have moved office (next door) and am now sharing with another after 5 years of peace, quiet and privacy - and very nice it was too. Actually sharing again has been fine and my colleague is easy to get along with so I'm not really moaning about it - its just that I had been using my first couple of hours of the day (I get in early honest!) to spend time with the Lord, praying, just endeavouring to let Him take control of everything that will take place, waiting on Him for those promptings of the Holy Spirit in my intercession, etc., etc. So, I have to admit that, apart from when we were on our hols in gloriously beautiful Tuscany a month ago, I have been finding it virtually impossible to set aside a dedicated specific proper amount of time for prayer each day. At first, it seemed ok - I had been thinking on and off that maybe some of my prayers were repetitious, almost (sorry about this but I am nothing but honest) a type of magic formula - specifically when praying protection over my loved ones, and others in specific need. I thought I'd just continue to send up those arrow prayers when I remembered/was prompted and I hoped that I would be able to be more fluid and responsive in my praying. Unfortunatley everything started to unravel.... or it certainly felt like it (and there is still unravelling going on) - this next couple of weeks my colleague is on hols so I do have some space and time to set aside to pray (& perhaps blog!) but this whole experience has left me feeling/thinking that I have so much to learn about prayer, resting in God's presence, waiting on Him/listening to Him, just being still and knowing Him..... you get the picture??!! God is so gracious and I just praise Him for His continuing faithfulness to me - and for His patience with me as I know He is working in all of this...... teaching me a lot about humility and my need of His grace. Yes, I want to be used by Him and yes I want to operate using His gifts for His Glory and His Kingdom - but for the moment I want to be fruitful and on spending some time examining myself re this aspect of my journey with Him, I feel sadly lacking...... but I am thankful that He has brought me to this place where these things are being revealed more and more to me and I know that He will continue to be faithful in His continued 'work in progress' that is me! One other thing to close with - and really a very big thing I've become more and more aware of - Its all about you Jesus, and all this is for you, for your glory and your gace, its not about me, or the thing I have made it, you are my Lord and I surrender, to your will...... apologies if the words are wrong/muddled - yes its from a song - suffice to say, a lot of 'stuff' in recent months, has been about me....... and how I'm feeling......... and how things affect me - I have repented and will continue to do so when I am tempted to revert to this almost trying to use the Holy Spirit as some sort of life-coach - aaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhh - how awful that sounds and looks now it is in print, but its true!
Better go and do some work - am only in half-day today and off tomorrow and Monday as we have a family wedding in Cornwall on Saturday, so lots to do and little time to do it all in - sound familiar??