Monday morning

I'm feeling very 'monday-morning(ish)' and so far (its 9.35am) its not been a good monday morning. Its a case of too much to do and no time to do it..... constant interruptions - nothing horrendous but a real feeling of things about to get out of control - to be honest, I woke up feeling like this.... the weekend was ok but I had an awareness of low-med level stress all the way through - again, nothing awful happened but I just felt on edge. I do have a difficult week ahead with certain unpleasant meetings to attend and take minutes at - late evenings here and to be honest, if I get to Friday intact I will be very pleased!

Where is God in all this - well I know he's with me, I know he hasn't moved or changed as he is faithful - its just that I am finding that I have very little time to really commune with him. I've prayed my 'list' of people, circumstances, situations - all the things and people I've promised to pray for but I haven't spent time with Him - and I am feeling desperate - sharing an office is fine most of the time but in this situation I am longing to have some time to myself and some privacy - the only time I get that is in the toilet and you can see that isn't the most ideal situation!!

I already get up at the crack of dawn, or before that and so there is no time there - at the end of the day I am pretty well exhausted, once all the usual house/home stuff is done - its easy to spend quality time with God when there is little demand on me and my time - I feel very resentful of work at the moment and feel its just a distraction from what I really want to do and need to do - its a well-paid distraction but........

Yes, I am sending up those arrow prayers, but today that doesn't feel like enough....... I am conscious so often of my need to 'Be Still and Know that He is God' - I am very rarely in that place and its getting desperate (well, I'm getting desperate!! maybe you noticed!!)
Thank God that He never changes and I praise Him that he lives in me and knows all about me and He is faithful - I couldn't do anything without Him but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..... even when I can't find that precious time to be with Him as I need to be.... A favourite song says it all really "To be in your presence, to sit at your feet..... this is my desire O Lord, this is my desire.........
Please God help me to be of use to you this day, how ever distracted and disturbed I may feel. Thank you!

Flame of God

Read this (below) on Captain Matt Clifton's blog - what a prayer! (by Amy Wilson Carmichael)

Flame of God:

From prayer that asks that I may be sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher
From silken self, O captain, free Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified
Not this way went the Crucified)
From all that dims Thy Calvary
O Lamb of God, deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.

Wow..... I pray that as I use this prayer I will really mean it with every fibre of myself!

Time..........

Its Monday and I'm at my desk (in my newish office - moved last week and am now sharing.... not sure how that will work out but believe God has some stuff in store for me to do in here!!) anyway back to Monday - not too keen on Monday mornings.... takes me all day to get into the idea of being at work again and the weekends seem to fly by far too fast.... yes I know, its an age thing more than anything else!!

I was full of good intentions this morning though - got in earlier than ever (6.55am actually for those interested - yes, I know I'm mad but I got a lift and it saves money and supposedly gives me more time....) and as my colleague has a day off today, I thought I would have some time to get down to some serious prayer before everything and everybody starts interrupting.

I am sorry to say that it is 9.30 and I still haven't got round to my proper praying - everything has got in the way so far.... and work too! with stuff that I've just needed to get sorted and stuff emailed before people arrive and look at their inboxes. Its a manic time of year here with loads of committees and all the work that goes with them (not my most enjoyable tasks) and just trying to keep my head above water in general..... time...... lack of discipline too - I was prompted to write when I just received a call from my Mum - she has been pretty ill with clinical depression for nearly a year now (has been more stable recently thank God) but when I heard her voice my heart sank... then she said that there was a need for prayer - for my brother who has been very unwell throughout the night - he had a stroke a few weeks ago and although has recovered well apparently he was so unwell that his wife (who is a Senior Sister in the NHS) was about to call an ambulance - anyway, I'm waffling, apologies! So, once I post this, I am going to get down to doing what I should have done at 6.55 this morning..... my day always goes better when I start it like that, doing what I am called to do - Intercede.

To conclude, I am always absolutely amazed and gobsmacked at how blessed I am and how much better I feel after I have spent time in prayer. How ever awful I feel beforehand (and how ever much I feel I don't want to/I can't pray, once I make the effort God really breaks in and blesses me so much more than I deserve - I just thank him for his patience with me and in my faltering journeying with Him!

Testing, testing.....

I don't reckon I will be blogging very much (but you never know!) - my main reason for setting this up is so that I don't appear 'anonymous' when leaving a comment on certain fave blogs!!
Hope this works.......