Who am I called to be?

I still remember the message given by Captain Danielle Strickland at Roots this year.... she was talking about what it means to be truly humble and saying that it wasn't a sort of self-deprecating, false modesty thing but that being truly humble was just agreeing with what God says you are! It was pretty mind-blowing and not just for me either..... She was speaking about Gideon and (excuse this if its not completely accurate) the fact that he was called to go to war for God and he felt weak and useless - God called him a mighty warrier though.... but he still felt weak and useless - BUT he recognised that this was the enemy up to his usual tricks and that all he had to do was to fully believe what God said about him and to accept fully what God said about him because after all........... God is not a liar!
So, my question in the title - I know I am a child of the King, I am a child of the living God, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am the apple of God's eye and he rejoices over me with singing. I have a whole raft of truths from the bible (from the Freedom in Christ stuff) that says I am Significant, Secure and Accepted - restored in Christ...... and the Bible verses say it all and there are so many of them. These are truths that in our new system of Ward (type of Cell church) will be trying to take on board.... allow to sink in..... read aloud every day(!) and start to believe about ourselves - we all need this and God is so patient with each one of us (especially me!!) but all we need is found in Him and in Him alone. Like one of my fave songs says "In Christ alone my hope is found..... He is my rock, my strength my hope..... this cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the winds and drought and storm (or something like this!). And it goes on to say so much which I won't repeate here but its a wonderful song and full of God's truth. The whole Freedom in Christ thingamebob is based on the fact that for true Freedom to be experienced we have to believe what God says about us in His wonderful Word - John 8:32 says "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free"......... so Freedom in Christ and true humility in one fail swoop - something to really aim for and certainly something of the Kingdom of God here on earth with all that boundless, fullness of life!!!

Stuck in the middle :((

The title says it all - my current position and the thing that has consumed me and subsumed me is that I am stuck in the middle. I am between a rock and a hard place..... I can't go into detail because it involves people (doesn't everything that causes problems!!?) but suffice to say it is a very unpleasant place to be. Of course, the devil is having a field-day..... doesn't he always when you feel weakest...... I am trying very hard to hold onto God's hand in all this and to trust him that he's still on the throne - Yes I know he is but I am struggling with seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.... or is it an oncoming train!!!!!!!!
Basically the situation I am in currently is a no-win situation.... whatever I do, whether siding with one or the other, or staying as I am, stuck in the middle, I lose, I am losing.... I am really losing in all this. The trouble is that, to quote yet another song - "Everybody hurts" All of us in this situation are hurting....... and when you hurt you can only focus on your own hurt and the injustice of it all - where is God in all this?? I really don't know. I do know that I want to run away, I want to stick my head in the sand, under the duvet, run off somewhere where nobody knows me.......... and hope it all goes away or at least eases. But none of this is an option, long-term. I have thought and prayed about this so much and my head is bursting with confusion and pain. But, one thing that has come to me again and again, and this is surprising I think - is that I am chosen to be a Soldier in the Salvation Army - I would find it very difficult if not impossible to worship anywhere else.... and I would find it impossible not to worship. So, that means I have to stick it out, holding onto God's hand and allowing him to lead me through the mine-field that is relationships. I just hope and pray that I will learn the lessons he wants to teach me and that at the end of it all, if I reach the end, our corps/fellowship will actually be somewhere that I not only feel that I am called to be a part of but that I actually want to be a part of! But if only I could deal with the pain, or feel the pain and still keep on going without my whole being just crying out for help..... its getting in the way of everything - if only I could find that switch in my poor head to turn off these thoughts that are whizzing round and round........