Last day ramblings

Just over 5 hours till I leave work, not to return till 7 August and I can't wait. Don't get me wrong... the job isn't horrid - tiring but not horrid, the people I work with a lovely (most of them!) my office is nice, the locale is good.... but the days are too long and then it just carries on when I get home "a woman's work is never done......" And I am just absolutely exhausted and can hardly keep my poor old peepers open. I know its an age thing - but I also recognise that all this physical stuff (oh did I mention that everything hurts at the moment - esp head, neck, ears, throat, upper back and lower back.....) I believe is down to spiritual stuff..... well I know its down to spiritual stuff.

Some reading this will know that there has been some serious 'stuff' happening at the corps........ well, actually such stuff has been happening for as long as I can remember... certainly 30 yrs, but its definitely upped in the intensity stakes over the last couple of years or so - something to do with stands being taken!?! Anyway, the devil's schemes have been shown for what they are........ and that is good I suppose..... but the pain....... and just that awful feeling of dread - its still with me. One thing that I think is good for me personally is that I don't feel extreme anger about it all anymore but I do feel an intense sadness which washes over me again and again, particularly when in prayer. The hurt has gone deeper than I had realised.

I can't think of anything profound to say (do I ever!) but I will say that I don't think I have ever looked forward to getting away to Tuscany so much (I always look forward to it believe me but not with such a desperation and exhaustion) - I can't wait, literally. I need to sleep, to lie in the sun and do nothing as much a possible, I need to see blue skies and experience just bird-song. I need to look around me and see the beauty of God's wonderful creation....... and it is certainly beautiful where we will be from Saturday! I need to have time to read...... to take time over eating....... I need to have time to pray and pray and pray and I thank God for the next 2 weeks in advance. Dick and I are there for the first week (first time!) and Sian & Rich and Lucy & Dave are coming out for the second week - I know it will be fab.... I hope and pray I will have what I need to come back......!

Yes I am escaping........

Job or Ministry?

I've taken this (below) from Captain Gordon Cotterill's blog..... just thought it was relevant in a lot of ways to how I've been feeling about my job (paid) and my 'stuff' for The Lord, Armywise and otherwise..... certainly food for thought.

"Job or Ministry...?

If our concern is success, it's a JOB. If our concern is faithfulness, it's a MINISTRY.
Someone sent me this right at the beginining of our Salvation Army officership - it has been useful to return to from time to time. Doing some prep for something I am doing tomorrow I thought I may as well cut and paste it into URBANarmy.


THOUGHT - Are you in a MINISTRY for God or are you just doing a JOB ?

Some people have a JOB in the church; others involve themselves in a MINISTRY. What's the difference?

If you are doing it just because no one else will, it's a JOB. If you are doing it to serve the Lord, it's a MINISTRY.

If you quit because somebody criticised you, it was a JOB. If you keep on serving, it's a MINISTRY.

If you'll do it only as long as it does not interfere with your other activities, it's a JOB. If you are committed to staying with it even when it means letting go of other things, it's a MINISTRY.

If you quit because no one praised you or thanked you, it was a JOB. If you stay with it even though nobody recognises your efforts, it is a MINISTRY.
It's hard to get excited about a JOB. It's almost impossible not to be excited about a MINISTRY.

If our concern is success, it's a JOB. If our concern is faithfulness, it's a MINISTRY.
An average church is filled with people doing JOBs. A great and growing church is filled with people involved in MINISTRY.

What about us?

If God calls you to a MINISTRY, don't treat it like a JOB.

If you have a JOB, give it up and find a MINISTRY. God does not want us feeling stuck with a JOB, but excited and faithful to Him in a MINISTRY.

God is good

The title says it all really. God is good, He is faithful and I praise Him for his patience with me in these days. I believe that I am being taught many things during this fallow period. One of the main ones is that I must Be still and know that He is God.... not something that I've ever been able to do properly. All the periphery is being stripped away. I have two weeks on holiday coming up very soon (thank God) and I am so in need of the break - completely away from everything. I am looking forward to having time to rest and be still in His presence, to being able to resurrect some serious prayer and bible study......... and I am praying that He will reveal the direction I should take - but, I know He knows what I need more than I do and I will trust Him to meet my needs.
Thank you whoever for your prayer support - He is answering..... I have been aware of His peace this week - last week was probably the toughest yet when I felt like running away from everything and everyone.... but I am still here and all these experiences are valuable.
Captains Andrew & Tracy, Ben and Ceitidh are 'farewelling' this Sunday - Its going to be a tough day..... but its also my Silver Wedding Anniversay and, later that afternoon the family are getting together for a BBQ and a little celebration - Like I said at the beginning of this epistle(!) God is good!